


When We Stop

by tekowrites



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abstinence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insecurity, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Rimming, Rough Sex, dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:18:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4866221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tekowrites/pseuds/tekowrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivan and Jared have been going out for a couple of months, bantering and teasing was their regular M.O. but under all the fun and jokes, what's really festering? Weird bosses, wise friends, bowling games and one generic thong might just be the ticket to tackling the tightly closed lid of insecurity.</p><p>This is a extra 'after the end' chapter written for an original, completed story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When We Stop

**Author's Note:**

> Background:  
> Ivan works for Bupsty electronics, where his longtime crush and secret love John works. John ends up marrying the man of his dreams, Dick, and everyone tries to set Ivan with the best man, Jared. Jared whose a cop, and the complete opposite of Ivan in everyway, pursues him with madness, impropriety, and perfect teeth. Ivan's mixed feelings land him in several sticky situations, that make him realize that maybe, just maybe, he should give Jared a chance.
> 
> ***  
> This story, and especially the characters of Ivan and Jared have been with me since early 2012. The completed story was supposed to be turned into a webcomic, but after bleeding money and no art being produced for the past 3 years, I gave up. This extra is the only written work for the characters, since the completion of the original, and was written to give both me, and the characters some closure.  
> ***
> 
> This means a lot to me, and while others might find the clichés, and weird humor, and other elements overbearing, in my eyes, these two couldn't be more perfect. Though I doubt much interest, I wanted to post it to AO3 and have it part of my portfolio.

It had started like all things started with Jared. In bed. There were kisses, gentle, sweet suction and tickling swipes. I danced to his tune, shuffled when he did, moved when he said, yelped when he nipped that too tender spot right under my jaw. I was a quivering mess, strung too high on desire and wanting to get off that when he slid home, all I could think was thank God.

Jared cuddled my face, slid his fingers with mine and went on the most maddening, slowest pace he could and just watched me writhe on his cock, until he grabbed my legs and hoisted them up on his shoulders.

I strained to do something, anything. To grab onto anything. His figure loomed large, striking and so powerful, and I clutched the inadequate pillow, mangling the filling with all my wroth.

Until lights out.

Jared pulled out, careful and smug, and I almost rolled my eyes at the obvious desire to show me the condom. A little ‘look I keep promises even when we don’t really need to,’ but he could stuff it. Both the attitude and the condom.

When he rolled back into bed, washcloth and fingers moving over my body again, it hit me like a brick.

I’d gotten passive.

I was like a little lap dog getting petted, fed, played with and then cleaned up.

Jared’s fingers were brushing right over my pubic hair with the towel when I blurted out “wasn’t that a little boring?”

His silence had never spoken louder. I had exactly five seconds to take that statement back, but I let them run dry, horrified I’d actually said that out loud. What I _had_ meant to say, was that I felt that I was boring him with my passivity and wouldn’t he have liked someone more active. Which had been majorly misled by the fact that I recalled that I wasn’t usually this passive and a slew of fantastic fucks whose numbers I hadn’t kept, still asked if I was interested in another go. So I wasn’t naturally passive, but apparently I’d hung my chaps and worn an apron around Jared. Which had translated into, wasn’t that a little boring.

“Are you insinuating what I think you are?”

“That that was bad? No, that wasn’t what I meant.” How to back paddle from this?

“I see.”

But apparently he didn’t see, because there was this look in his eyes that could melt steel. It was so intense and I was a little embarrassed that I actually reacted to it. Fuck, it was like handcuffs and whipped cream and dangling nipple clamps and wow, did I not want to go there but by God was he going to take me there now.

I was flipped over without ceremony, and my hips were suddenly the highest point in my body as my face was squished flat into the mattress. I was too busy flailing and trying to get comfortable, that I missed the whole point of this gymnastic exercise. Until I felt Jared breathing on my ass. Of all the things I’ve had up there, I never thought Jared’s tongue would top that list. His hands were branding my ass, stretching me for all I was worth, and I couldn’t reach out a hand if I wanted to, trying as I was to not crumble while Jared was tickling the very walls inside me. I think I whimpered, just a little. After all, I’d just had a massive cock up there and was not exactly raring to go, the stimulation was tinged with just this bit of pain, that unfortunately, made me semi-hard instead of deflating me.

There was this embarrassing sound coming from somewhere, and for a minute I honestly thought it was a cat mewling outside, delusion shattered though, when I lifted my head off the pillow and that sound turned out to be me.

Jared’s tongue stop jabbing my insides long enough to swipe long, slick swipes across my ass and blowing on them, an action he repeated probably just to see me buck.

When his short fingernails started scratching my entrance though, my eyes rolled back. I don’t know what kind of image he was seeing but I was clenching and unclenching for all I was worth. I needed something to happen. Something that wasn’t more teasing or I’d explode.

His finger slid in, all the way in my relaxed body, and he rubbed my prostate. That sent biting stings of pleasure bursting through me, and just when I thought I’d tipped over the edge with two pads wrecking havoc inside, Jared grabbed my balls in an almost crushing hold, before locking his thumb and middle finger around the base, cutting me off.

This time I knew I whined, because I’d been so fucking _close_. My cock didn’t understand that distinction though, it was leaking like a faucet, drenching my legs.

“Grab the frame.”

I tried to. My legs were a little shaky, and adrenaline was coursing through my body making the shakes worse. Jared started moving me on his own, because I was obviously out of it. When I wasn’t lifting my entire ass heavenward, I reached for the bed-frame. No sooner had I grabbed them, then I felt Jared jack-hammering my ass with his friggin’ cock.

That was different. His fingers were digging so hard into my flesh, and his balls kept smacking the hell out of my ass when they connected. Seriously, I thought we were both going to bruise. It was rough, fast and completely overwhelming. I was thankful he hadn’t draped himself all over me, or I would have collapsed from the sheer force of him moving on top.

I reached down to try and get myself off, listening to his grunts for cues, when his hand caught mine, and he pinned it to my thigh. I know I must have pleaded, but I don’t even know what I was saying anymore, if it wasn’t for the fact my back felt like it would break at any second, I’d think I was delirious, that this wasn’t happening. That I hadn’t swapped one gentle fuck for a rough one.

Jared pulled out, and I thought he’d change the angle and Jesus, let me cum already, but he locked his muscular thighs around mine, and pushed his cock under my balls. The condom was gone, and he resumed that rutting force. His thumb dug into my hole and nailed my prostate, letting go of my cock finally.

I couldn’t touch it though, not unless I wanted to faceplant into the headboard. We moved like it was vital, like breathing, and I finally cried out, feeling the rub on my premium and inside.

Jared came a few jabs later.

***

I was a sticky disaster. In fact, at that moment, I felt quite the affinity to blue tack, as all items within reach seemed to stick to me.

Jared took one last look at me, before he left for the bathroom. I heard the shower running, and tried to move my legs. The twang in my hip was an obvious sign I wouldn’t be walking anytime soon.

I grabbed as much of the tissue in the box as I could, serve him right to sneeze tomorrow and find nothing in there. I cleaned up as best I could without water and soap. I was tired, sore, and now cold.

The new Jared couldn’t wait to go wash away the sweat and dubious fluids on his body. Ha! I’d have to remind him about dirt on coffee tables and clean bedroom carpets.

He walked back in with the little towel, which I completely ignored. Stuff it, he was not touching anymore of me tonight.

“There’s still some hot water if you want a shower.”

“I already cleaned up.”

I watched his eyebrow raise, and ignored that too.

“Then, can I have some blanket, Mr. burrito?”

I huffed, no, you cannot. Not after that. Plus, it was way too toasty and I did not want the warmth to seep out. I should have seen it coming though, when I was rolled out like a pie crust over a tin, in one, hard, yank.

“Bastard!”

I felt the dip in the bed when Jared slid in, and smiled in satisfaction.

“Fuck!”

Oh yeah, serves him right.

“Did I just..?”

“Yup.” Yeah baby, right in the wet spot.

Jared’s grumbling was like music to my ears, and when he left the bed to get the new icky mess off, I gathered the rest of the blanket. A king’s robe to myself.

***

When I woke up, I was sadly, sharing my throne. Or in this case, the blanket. I’m not sure how, but Jared had either stripped the bed with me on it, or relocated my sleeping corpse somewhere so he could do it. All I know is that the lime striped sheets were gone, and I was on lime polka dots now. A color blind man’s heaven.

The little tent staring me in the face when I woke up, was nothing new. But I felt betrayed none the less. Especially after last night. I turned so I was no longer on my back, and grabbed my cock. I was still debating whether to do it there or rub one off in the shower, when Jared’s hand was suddenly on mine. I thought, great problem solved, until he removed my hand, and nuzzled my ear. What came after that was a literal ice-bucket.

“Starting today we’re going to abstain.”

“What the fuck for? Is this about what I said? Look I didn’t mean it, it came out weird like that, you know me and my buzz brain, sometimes the lines get caught together and shit I don’t mean comes out.” Never hurt a man’s manhood. Fucking emotional traumas.

He flicked my forehead, the caveman.

“Let’s just say, for perspective.”

I eyed him, rubbing my forehead where that gigantic digit must have left an equally gigantic imprint. Like I was just gonna stop masturbating because he had a complex about keeping me satisfied.

“Unless you can’t?”

Game on bitch.

***

I walked in to my dazzling office, repressing nothing, all my fabulousness prancing around to show it off.

What I mistook for greetings of hello from the secretarial staff, were definite wishes of good luck. It didn’t get more obvious than a card sitting on my keyboard, with the words in bold.

This didn’t bode well, so I marched on to gossip central, and knocked on John’s door

“Okay, what in hells bells is going on.”

John, who was busy smiling at a picture of Dick on his computer screen, turned towards me, and eyed the picture of Dick on the wall, next to my head.

“Hey Ivy, how’s the abstaining going?”

There’s a carrier pigeon in my head, and at that moment, that pigeon gave me a bird’s eye view of what must have been a hilarious conversation between Jared, Dick, and John, as he told them all the juicy details of our dysfunctional bedroom life.

“I don’t even want to know. And the staff?”

“They think you and Jared are trying to have a baby.” The note of aww in his voice grated on my nerves. Which is disastrous, as I thought I loved all aspects of John and this new imperfection was sad. I blamed Dick. Speaking of which, I blamed Dick for the new nickname too.

“Next time I’m down his throat, I’ll try to knock him up.”

“Uh, dude.”

“What? Maybe some of _my_ sensible dna in his head would work _wonders_.”

“What’s up with you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe my laundry being aired at work is not a pleasing prospect to my morning.”

“Dude no, that was a joke. Christ, you weren’t this sensitive before. Look, the general manager and his girlfriend had a big fight yesterday, he’s coming over today, most probably to try and win her back, and everyone knows you’re his typewriter. They’re just trying to cheer you up. Did you really think Jared would say something like that here?”

I deadpanned. Okay, maybe I did, a little. Maybe a lot. Fuck.

“On that pleasant note, I’ll go back to my desk, to resume my ghost writing career.”

Contrary to what John will tell you, I did _not_ , run off. I simply hold my duties as secretary to the highest of regards.

When the grand author himself made himself present at my door, I breathed a sigh of relief. Conflicted relief. On one hand, no one was privy to my little uninspired sex life, on the other, I was about to be more privy to the boss’s.

“McKenzie.”

Time to act alarmed! “Chief. I didn’t get any memos today, is something wrong?”

“No, no son. This matter is personal, so I’ve decided to handle it myself.”

Boy, I bet he did. I kept looking at the man, waiting for him to hand over the usual note, or something, but he kept standing there, rigid as a stone.

“Chief?”

He coughed, and so help me, if that wasn’t a ting of pink on his washed out face, I’d give away my left nut. It was kind of sweet to see him flustered. Obviously adulterers had feelings too.

He dropped his pants.

_Holy shit._

***

When I next saw my significant gerbil, it was a Tuesday.

Tuesday dinners, come hail or high water, Jared made sure we had them. Sometimes we had them two minutes before 12am on Wednesdays, sometimes breakfast dinners, lunch dinners, but he’s nothing if not a man of his word. Which explained dinner now, on his lunch break.

So I strolled in, oozing what I hoped was an air of sexual frustration, into Jared’s -still lime green- abode and sat at the dining table.

Jared walked in with Chinese take-out, put together as always. It pissed me off that he never seemed to be frazzled, haggard, or tired. He was the Energizer bunny personified, and I hated him for it. Man could work for days and not break a sweat.

“Chew Min for you, garlic prawn for me, salad for you, Dim Sum and seafood fried rice for me.”

Exactly. What kind of masochist abstained from sex and had sea food? I looked at the flimsy sauce-bleeding boxes.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Gotta be back at the station in half an hour, I’ll have to eat and run.”

I almost snapped back at him, why the hell were we doing this then? The happy couple’s lunch time. But I had a better idea. I played with my food a little, stirring it around, eating one piece of carrot at a time. I watched Jared shovel through forkfuls of rice and bit the bullet.

I sighed, for effect. “Jared, I’m sorry. I cheated on you.”

It was instant. If someone asked me about Jared’s death, that was the only word that could describe it. He inhaled his food through the wrong pipe, and died with grains of rice dotting his lungs. Mr. Woo’s Takeout would be out of business the very next day.

As it were, he managed to reach for the glass of water on the counter and struggle to get it down, coughed up, gagged and coughed again until he’d brought himself back to life. Me, completely ungrateful for his survival, I pushed my box of food away. I’d lost my appetite days ago, in the tiny torture chamber, my cubicle.

He was wheezing just a tiny bit, and I felt a tiny bit of regret at that. “Are you okay?”

“Come again?”

The murderous glint in his eyes, was not even close to that dark smoldering look from the day before. Shit. Tyler Swift was crooning Trouble in my head. I hastened to explain.

“Not intentionally.”

I watched the delicate, cheap wooden chopsticks disappear in his hands, seconds from snapping in half. I supposed more details and less excuses were required.

“My boss flashed me in the office. He didn’t mean to, he just wanted me to take a photo of his junk and his tramp stamp, to email to his girlfriend.”

I watched Jared’s face, contorted in pain, pain that I realized minutes later was him trying to surpass his laughter.

I balked, “is this amusing to you?”

I should have kept it to myself, as he guffawed, his throat probably hurt too much for him to do his trademark helium laugh. Which he compensated for by slapping the table. The animal. What can you do? No one can ingrain manners in a child used to living in the zoo. I let him have his moment.

Jared reached over and kissed me. It tasted like garlic, and I didn’t attempt to chase his mouth back for more.

“Watching bad porn does not constitute cheating.”

“Ha! I directed, filmed and distributed it! Shows what you know.” I’m not sure why I decided to make that point, because it only succeeded in sending him back into the grips of laughter.

When my obvious displeasure at the turn of events was clear to Jared, he coughed and asked, “are you leaving your job then?”

“What? No! The board meeting to change the company name is next month, there’s no way I’m leaving before I have something on my resume that doesn’t sound like I was an editor for a craft store.”

Plus I had no real ambitions to speak of and I was content to have a job in this most tremulous job market. If I was fired anytime soon I could sue the boss for sexual harassment and have a nice cushion of money to carry me through until I found the next one.

We lapsed back into silence. Jared was eating, and every once in a while he’d look my way between bites and smile that ridiculous clownish smile that made him look halfway mad. I poked a bit more at my food, but I found no comfort in it.

“I’ve got to go. I have just enough time for a quick wash before I head back.”

I nodded, looking at the still half full portions of food in front of me, and I didn’t mean just mine either.

“I’ll tidy up when I get back.”

I was probably still absent minded when I said, “it’s alright, I’ll pack everything,” like the frigging houseboy I was, dying to do my domestic chores.

Jared headed off to the bathroom and I decided, whatever, I’ll get it done now and leave before the big ape. Which didn’t explain why I hadn’t heard him sneak up behind me, nor why I’d felt the need to wash the one skillet sitting in the sink.

A rough finger rubbing my ass through the fabric of my pants, _that_ I noticed. I turned back to glare at Jared. “And what the hell do you _think_ you’re doing?”

“Couldn’t resist a little tease.”

“Here I thought you were dying to have me regress back into a virgin.” He didn’t reply, whistled a tune and just like that, left the apartment.

I stared at the food, the plastic containers, the skillet I just washed into a state of sparkle. I shook my head.

What the fuck was I doing.

I shoved the food, as is, into the fridge. Grabbed my keys and locked the door behind me. I needed to think.

***

Unfortunately, the minute the doors to the elevator opened, in walked Nina and Darrel.

After that horrendous display last time I saw them, I’d hoped we’d avoid each other’s company. I’d actually managed well, I’d even formed a strategy so as to not see them when I took the trash out. Yet here there were, with me, within capacity of an elevator, the irony was not lost on me. At least I was wearing shoes this time.

It was silent, awkward, but serene, all the way to the 4th floor. That’s when Darrel decided he wanted to be friends with the gay kid next door and impress his friends at the bar.

“Ivan. Um, you’d be very welcome to come over to dinner with your friend. We’re, uh, having a get together soon to share some news.” He squeezed Nina’s delicate fingers.

“We broke up.”

Nina gasped, covering her stomach. It was shitty to rain on her pregnant parade, but I was not going to be part of their entertainment. Plus, I wanted the thing with Jared to be forgotten.

“I see. We’re sorry to hear that, aren’t we honey?” Nina nodded, and somehow, that pissed me off more. It was probably something they didn’t even think about when they were doing it, but her passivity rankled me, and all I wanted was to yell at Darrel to let her talk for herself.

The doors opened, and I stepped out, needing to get into my apartment, now more than ever.

***

There’s a box in the last bookcase shelf, that I don’t open. It sits there and gathers dust, I intentionally don’t clean it, because once I acknowledge it exists, I can’t seem to keep my fingers away. My BA sits on top of the pile inside it. I wonder sometimes, when Jared is going to end up in there too.

John hadn’t, because I love John, he’s great, he’s fun, and sometimes he’s a pain in the ass, but he’s John. I owe him too much. Dick on the other hand, I’d love to stuff in the box. But I can’t obviously, because John is married to him, and I’d hate to make John sad.

More than I have already anyway. What was it he said? Did I really think Jared would do something like waltz into my office and declare his intentions to stop having sex with me, or that he intends to have a baby? It was all so ridiculous, why hadn’t I thought it was a joke?

I had relatively thick skin when it came to things like that, so why hadn’t I? True it never seemed to work with Jared. The annoying buffoon always got under my skin.

See? Just saying his name managed to irritate me and leave my fingers itching for a drink. I didn’t have any though. Not since he’d scourged the apartment of all traces of liquid painkillers.

I don’t think I am on a lifetime ban though, I mean, he monitored the shit out of my intakes, but I guess it was better than nothing. I’m not sure even I am over the fact I was so hammered that I’d called him from police station citing it as booty call. He’s never going to let me live that one down. Now that I think about it, having the boss flash me will also go into his string teasing mantras.

That was the infuriating thing about Jared the gerbil, he didn’t let things go. Maybe it was the same thing about me too, but he’s less susceptible to disasters than I am, so I keep feeling like I now have to watch my toes around him.

There was something about that though, that had some connection to this whole fiasco, and it was right there, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

The phone rang, and I got up from the couch, popping little bones in their places. I reached for the phone and saw John’s face lighting up my screen. I grinned.

I put on my best breathless voice before saying, “John, I was just thinking about you.”

When Dick’s voice came on, I cringed, I honest to god did the whole face meeting in the middle from all angles. “He’s in the shower. But I’ll tell him if you want.”

“Fuck, no. What the hell do you want? And why are you calling from John’s phone? Ever heard of privacy asshole?”

“I hope you’re not still abstaining, because this would make a great call to Jared.”

I was going to kill that ape the next time I saw him, and I’d get all the fucks I wanted in prison. “Screw you, I’m hanging up.”

“John wants to know if you’re coming with us bowling this weekend. Jared’s coming, so I assume you are. John said you’re pretty anal about not being asked for your response, so let’s have it.”

“Damn straight. Dick I’d love to come and bust your tiny pins with my gigantic balls. And Jared is going. I’d like you to pencil in the fact that I just spoke for him. Bye.”

I clicked off. Turned off my phone too, for good measure. What a dick, with a huge dick complex to boot. Bad enough his face is all over John’s office, now I have listen to his slimy voice in a game of bowling. I hope his massive dick gives him balance problems and un-equal gravity body pulls.

***

I was wearing what I like to believe, were fuck me now thongs. Of which I had owned none, until 3 days ago in the men’s department section, in a clearance sale and the promise of getting dick written all over the beat-up cardboard sign adorning the basket. If I could predict lottery numbers like I could predict Jared’s sex-drive, I’d write a book using dollar bills because I’d be a fucking millionaire.

As it were, I got dressed, slinking into the most unbreathable-in pants, took a moment to see if I’d pass out from lack of oxygen, and then bent, just to make sure I could still play.

I’m not sure whose brilliant idea it was to walk in the freezing cold of late January, but when I arrived, shivering at our destination, I was met by furious glares from the other three waiting for me. My teeth were almost chattering, but I thought I hid it well, until John blasted out, “if it was so damn cold, why the hell did you suggest we all walk down here?”

Memory dawned, like a homing pigeon shitting on a person’s head, and I recalled brazenly telling them all that a bit of walking in the cold wasn’t going to shrink any of their packages. Instead of acknowledging them, I walked into the arcade, not because I didn’t have any witty comebacks, but my tongue had started to stick to the roof of my mouth and I did not want to lose that certain appendage.

I booked us a station, intending to collect the money later, and when everyone started trading in their shoes for bowling ones, I took the liberty of assigning the names, well, I didn’t actually change anything, but took great pleasure in explaining why they had their names, to the flustered woman trying to give me my change back.

“Dick, which is more his personality than his real name, and John, who’s buying him for the night.” I waggled my eyebrows and she shooed me away with the payment slip.

John tried to calm down a pissed off Dick, and I waltzed over and hooked hands with Jared. Who also didn’t seem to appreciate my sense of humor this night in particular.

There was a clear team formation, even though no one had said anything. Jared looked put out to be on my team, though God knows why, with his massive hands, he was more likely to gutter the ball than I was.

John went first, scoring a decent number on both tries, followed by Dick. The screen went wild with his strike, and he turned to John, high-fiving, then to me.

“Show us what you’ve got princess.”

Well, aside from the fact that apparently gravity was Dick’s bitch and he hadn’t wobbled at all, I was hopeful that this wouldn’t turn into a streak of wins for him. Bowling was my game, and more than anything, it was something I could beat Dick at.

I took my time choosing a ball. Weight mattered, something not so light that if you’re too strong for, you could end up dribbling instead, and something not so heavy that it wouldn’t move or curve at all.

The grumbling behind me was annoying, but I wouldn’t be rushed. I wasn’t nervous or anything, I was just making sure I didn’t blame the ball if it all went down to hell.

I grabbed a hefty one. I knew it was perfect because of the amount of sparkle in the sheen of the marble. I looked back at Jared, and was not encouraged by his complete boredom. So I went off, bent at a specific angle while on a short run, and prayed.

I just needed something to go my way.

I’d smashed through all the pins, sans one. I smiled. You know what’s more impressive than a strike? Getting that last pin to fall. I could have sworn I heard a groan before I aimed, and nailed the last pin, getting the spare in the end. I turned around fully expecting to high-five Jared, when we met, face to chest.

“Fuck me.” If that hadn’t woken me up, his fingers trying to release my ass from their fabric prison did it. I looked him in the eye and smirked. “When we win.”

Dick ignored me, which I admit must have been hard as I was doing a victory shuffle right in front of him. What I wanted to do was a victory dance, but worry I might actually rip the fabric of my pants and have my ass hanging out in the cold, stopped me.

Jared bombed. By which I mean, the first ball slid right into the gutter, and the next one completely missed the pins. He smiled sheepishly at everyone, and I refrained from killing him, after all, we still had 9 frames to go.

John missed next, and despite our friendship, I was very happy for his loss. Dick bowled a spare, and I took my chance at the center. Strike. I eyed my rival, my eyes mere slits. Jared had to drag me back to my chair.

It went on pretty much the same way, if I scored a strike, Dick got a spare, and vice versa. It was maddening, but I hopped Jared would make up the difference in our scores. John seemed to give up at some point, which was a blessing, and an oddity at the same time. Jared put up with my haggling even though he wanted to just sit back and watch me and Dick try to murder each other. He was lying of course, I know because he offered to give me his turns, but was directing this speech to my ass.

I was on my very last nerve, when finally, a miracle. Dick’s phone rang right as he was about to pitch his ball. He cursed, the ball flying from his hand as he looked back at the phone. Gutter. He aimed the next one, even though his phone was still ringing, and that one too, sat in the gutter. I’d never seen him so flustered. He grabbed the phone from John’s hand and waved him off. It was a good thing he wasn’t around to witness Jared getting his first strike, right on the heels of my own, ending our game.

Winning by a small margin, courtesy of Jared’s killer first frame, I whooped around, waving the score sheet. Jared was grinning from ear to ear, John was absent-minded, and Dick was, gone.

That didn’t diminish my victory however. We traded in our shoes, and left. Dick was already in his jacket, waiting outside with a cab.

I shoved the score in his face, batting my eyelashes. “Here you go princess, frame it and weep.”

Dick rolled his eyes, addressing Jared, he complained, “Jared, that one’s been rubbing his ass all over your face tonight, have pity on him, and us, and do him already.”

I was right about to get into Dick’s face and kick his balls so far out of his body, he’d need a search team in Alaska to retrieve them, when Jared pulled me back, laughing, waving goodbye at the pair.

I wouldn’t be silenced though, so I yelled “Run little doggie. Now I know what’s that between your legs, it’s a fucking tail.”

John shook his head at me. I knew I’d disappointed him again. This business with Dick was ruining our friendship. They got into the cab, completely ignoring my existence.

“Cab.”

“I don’t think even snow would shrink the boner you have right now.” I was mostly kidding, he looked handsome in a dark coat, that completely concealed his lower half. I was sort of preening at the prospect he’d dressed up for me too.

We took a cab.

***

We went back to my place, building up the tension from the entrance, the elevator, all the way to the door. Where I spotted Nina looking at me like I’d grown two heads. I almost wanted to stop and tell her that Jared was now my sex friend and we were going to have wild, loud, monkey sex, so she might want to cover the baby’s ears. Jared pushing into me and trying to get me to focus on opening the door was the only reason I hadn’t.

We stumbled in, shedding layers of clothes all the way to the bedroom. It would piss me off in the morning, but I didn’t care at that moment, all I wanted was out of those clothes. Now.

When Jared unzipped and pulled off my pants, I could finally breath. Which was ironic because his breath caught in his throat in a strangled moan at what he finally uncovered. There were definite lines where the seams had imprinted on my body, and Jared started by kissing those. Soft, lingering kisses, that stopped as he breathed out, “just how tight were those pants?”

“Extremely. I’m not fat. Don’t you dare say it.”

He didn’t, instead, he mouthed my neatly trapped package in the white, generic thong and I curled my feet. It’s not that it actually had been a while, it was definitely the anticipation, mixed with the anxiety of repeat performance. Jared’s agenda shouldn’t have even been on my mind while his tongue was tracing every wet dream’s trajectory, and leaving tracks of promise of what was about to come next.

I had to be active, I couldn’t let this drag on and then blame him, could I? I shuffled my feet, bending my knees and giving him space. Jared stopped, kissed my inner thigh and resumed the maddeningly teasing movement over my rapidly hardening cock. The flimsy fabric was soaked already, and I moved my hands to meet the soft strands of his hair, to marvel at having the man almost worshiping with his stance. He looked up and this time, I was the one who groaned, who couldn’t keep it locked deep enough and had to let it out.

He urged me to shuffle, putting us in a familiar position, hands and knees, my hand untangled from his hair, and I made sure it balanced me instead.

The thing about thongs is that they are uncomfortable. A few hours in and they settle like second skin, but once you probe their settled position? You feel it all over again. His thumb rubbed my opening, using the fabric as texture, the elastic stretched, shrunk, and all around messed with my nerve endings, pinching and relaxing. He gave me a wedgie that made me yelp. Bastard! I tried to sit up, but was pushed down. No assistance needed. It was mortifying when all Jared did, faced with the view of my buck-naked globes, was squeeze them. He squeezed them together, pulled them apart, and the smacking sounds when they met together gave me major blood gain in my face. I was sure, that had he known he’d get away with it, he’d have pulled me right up using just the string, and as painful as that would obviously be, just thinking of it had me excited. Maybe a week was too long a deprivation period, because I’m pretty sure that had not been part of my regular kinks.

Once he felt that was sufficient ass worship, I was flipped over again. His lips met mine, and I touched the side of his head, where the hair was cropped. Jared paused the kiss, slipping from under my hands. Kissing my neck, my ears, and when he saw me moving my hands to bring him back to my face, he kissed the digits, but firmly moved them down, until they were resting on my hips. I clued in, or thought I did, and started lowering the tiny ensemble, trying to give my cock room to breath.

“Let me.” His fingers met mine, and the vision of the thong getting unstuck from its cramped quarters, and my free bobbing cock, was cause for a slow rumble that came right out of Jared’s throat. That, made all the teasing worth it I thought.

He traced the underside, the slit and then gave a repeat performance to my balls, I was thankful there was no thong on those, although his wedgie had pretty much sliced them in two.

I watched the blooming spot on his briefs and zeroed in on that. I bucked, trying to rub against him. Jared chuckled, and held my hips down. I gravitated towards his briefs, to get him naked, and he dodged.

This was getting ridiculous. No wonder I felt like I was always passive. I tried another tactic, batting my eyelashes. “My turn to touch?”

Jared grinned that manic smile again, and pushed my hands away, nipping my jaw. “Nope.”

Trying again, I slid my hands towards his briefs, trying to grab a handful of flesh, still playing at this just being a coy move, not an exploratory one. When Jared looked at me, I tried to give him the warmest, most meaningful smile I could conjure up.

He grabbed my hands and held them in a one-handed grip, right above my head. The pounding in my head was as much the cause of a physical rush, as an annoyed reaction to finding out I was right. I wiggled, trying to get my hands free. Jared chose that moment to push down on my body and grind against me.

This had to stop. “I don’t get off on being overpowered. Let go.”

Jared snorted, like that was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “Sure you do. Are we playing a game now? Not that I mind, but I’d have liked early notice.” He loosened his grip and I let my hands slip, before placing them on his chest and starting to push. I was getting angry, and he wasn’t even listening to me. Panic was making a slew of bubbles in my blood stream and his cocky affirmation of my bedroom proclivities was the cause of it.

He laughed, it was so infuriating, so ridiculous. It was scary. He reached down to brush my naked cock and stopped.

“Well. That wasn’t the reunion sex I was expecting.” We both looked down at my wilted erection, the stark truth I’d been avoiding was right there, wasn’t it? He tried to brush it again and I moved. Jared looked at me like I’d taken leave of my sanity, alarmed.

I pushed Jared off, glaring at him. I was actually freaking out, holding back sudden emotion that I wasn’t sure was pouring in from what exactly. “I said no!”

“Well, you’re always making jokes about these things, how am I supposed to know when you’re being serious?”

“Wasn’t it obvious? Or do I have to lose an erection for you to notice!”

Jared sat back, eyes almost accusing me, “Are you asking me to unravel that puzzle that is your whims? Maybe you’ve forgotten, but this whole thing was your idea in the first place. You’re not even drunk for me to explain this sudden uninhibited phenomenon.”

“That’s another thing, you always bring that up. It doesn’t matter if I’m sober or drunk, you never take me seriously. You think I need to be guided all the time. You’re too busy micro-managing me to notice when I’m being serious.”

“Managing you? How the hell am I doing that?”

“For one thing, you make sure everyone’s on your side. You tell Dick all this crap about us, and it makes me look like the bad guy, the incompetent. Like you’re the martyr in this relationship.”

Jared was calm, taking my words in stride. He blinked once, but it was so clearly a controlled movement. “That’s not true. For one thing, Dick and John already know you, there’s nothing for me to pull. This is the first I’ve heard about me putting on airs for the sake of suffering. I’m not with you out of pity, and if you recall, I was the one pursuing your ass. What’s this really about?”

“It’s embarrassing, having my private business known by Dick.”

Jared raised that one eyebrow again, pointing out, “you tell John everything.”

He had me there, “but John doesn’t lord it over you, he doesn’t tease you if he knows anything about us, unlike Dick.”

If I thought I had the upper hand then, I was completely wrong.

“You have to see it from Dick’s point of view, you attacked him first, and you’re not exactly mild mannered around him. He’s taking it all in stride, but words can hurt, even a guy like Dick.”

I hugged my knees, thinking that over. I chanced a look at him, calm, put together. I finally understood something about him. Suit of armor. “Have I?..I mean, did I hurt you too?”

He didn’t crumble, not one bit, but his eyes were like a brewing storm. We weren’t ready. Neither of us were ready for this relationship. He didn’t trust that I wouldn’t hurt him, and I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt me either. Which was fucked up in all kinds of ways. Jared was scared of emotional pain, a big guy like him, solid muscles and macho attitude, with goo for interior, and me, scrawny, cocky, loudmouthed and scared of him, physically, and yeah emotionally too.

“If it helps, I know you don’t mean it. You lash out, it’s your defense. It’s funny as hell when it’s happening to someone else.”

“But not that great when you’re on the receiving side, I get it.” I didn’t need to look at Jared to confirm that. It didn’t help at all, not really, no one can explain the things you do or the reasons you do them, to someone. It’s not all black and white, it’s not a middle ground grey, it’s a kaleidoscope of factors, set in one marvelous equation that your brain recognizes and then lets you know what should be said. How’d we get here? How was one thing I thought was off, turn out to be so many things.

“I don’t want John to hate me. But I don’t know how to stop. I actually don’t want to stop, I don’t want to change who I am to suit everybody,” I bit the bullet and confessed, “I don’t really know that many people to begin with.”

Jared didn’t move in to touch or comfort me. Smart on his part, but painful from where I sat.

“Ivan?”

I looked at him, wishing, I don’t know, that we could pretend this never happened. That I could go back to having run of the mill vanilla sex and I’d suppress my feelings on anything I didn’t feel comfortable with. Knowing that I actually couldn’t.

“You already know what I’d say about this. Sometimes I think you’re so fucking smart that it has got to be painful, constantly living inside that head of yours. You know as well as I do, that I don’t really know you, not in any deep sense. I don’t know where you were before here, your family, why you clam up about some issues. Why you think you need to constantly defend yourself with humor.”

He sat back, leaning next to me on the headboard, but not touching me at all. He sighed, and it was painful to hear the frustration in his voice. He was right, and the only reason I’d ever say that was because I wanted nothing more than to interrupt his monologue, say that my brains were reserved for south of my body, that there’s nothing interesting about the birthing channel I passed from, and that I didn’t know anything about him either, but I wasn’t trying to fuck the knowledge out of him. But it was going too far, and my heart wasn’t in any of those words, because I felt exposed. I was raw, naked and his words were like scratches on my body. I didn’t volunteer anything though, stubborn to a fault, and all I had to offer would cement how pathetic I was.

I’d be wearing my shame outside, and that was more than I could bare.

Jared got up, and was out of sight. I looked at the vast emptiness of my room and tried to not feel anything. If Jared left and it was over, then that was just nature running its course. He’d scratched the surface, he’d seen the imperfections, he’d known where I was hiding this entire time and was fine with it. But I’d changed the rules, I’d taken a peak outside and wanted a bigger slice of life.

The bed dipped, mint toothpaste and aloe vera soap, clean, crisp. Jared got into his usual side of the bed, got under the covers and closed his eyes.

I sat there, unmoving, unthinking, just blinking tears of mourning. The clock ticked away and I wallowed in the hollowness that follows the emotional expulsion of crying. The sun came up at some point, and I was chilled to the very core. My muscles protested when I let my legs stretch, turning the corner of the covers up, I slinked under them, and watched the light blue paint on the wall, my back to Jared.

Tick-tock tick-tock became my world.

There was a faint buzzing sound coming from the living room. I thought about John handing Dick the phone, no second guessing, no worries, no feelings of being diminished by passivity. I left the bed, and went to locate Jared’s phone.

He’d picked up the clothes and left them on the couch. They weren’t folded or anything, but neatly placed. Just like months ago, and my expensive pants hanging on the back of the chair. I pulled out the phone and didn’t peak at the caller ID. When I turned to go back to bed, Jared was in front of me. He watched, saw me holding the phone.

I couldn’t even find it in me to be sarcastic. Couldn’t make a joke, though I could think of plenty. I handed the phone over. Jared checked it, but didn’t take the call. Instead, he reached towards my face, and rubbed a thumb over my cheek. There was a tightness near my eyes from crying, that hurt, just the tiniest bit when he did that. But I stood my ground. If I flinched, I wouldn’t be able to make a convincing enough argument that I wasn’t because I was being touched by Jared.

We got into fights all the time. I got emotional one out of 20, and humor always diffused it. It was our MO. If Jared had come out of the bedroom with my thong, we’d have laughed. Pretended it didn’t matter anymore. This wasn’t the same.

Jared walked to the kitchen, presumably for coffee, or something to eat. I didn’t even recall dinner, or eating anything the day before.

There was no, get dressed, no position of power. We were both too vulnerable to do anything but dance around the shards caused by the words of yesterday.

I grabbed the first pair of underwear I could find, and wore my robe. It was warm, and it wouldn’t be overdressing while Jared was in just his underwear. I dug around and found a bathrobe, debated which one was bigger, and wore it instead. I handed Jared the other robe. He didn’t say anything, but he took and wore it. It was obviously shorter on him.

There was percolating coffee, and toast in the toaster. Jared grabbed both when they were ready. I declined the coffee. I was tired, and I hoped, once my headache was gone, I’d be able to take a nap. I only had to rebuild my entire life after today, so I wanted to at least rest before then. Or try to.

Jared drank in silence. The toast was just sitting there.

After a few more minutes had passed, Jared cleared his throat. “Have you heard of safewords?”

I nodded, “aren’t they for more intense relationships though?”

Jared shook his head, “I know a couple who used them as a starting point, to get more comfortable with each other before they took on a bigger change in their relationship.”

I hmmed. What was he suggesting exactly?

“ I wonder if you’d give it ago.”

I mulled that over. I didn’t want to break this delicate bubble. I settled with, “for?” Ball was in his court. I felt light though, we were negotiating. It was sort of out of the scope of where I’d been thinking we’d go.

Jared was taking the time to answer, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. “For moments when you feel compromised.”

It was so diplomatic, so very cop-like, but I felt a rush of gratitude because Jared knew what that meant, he was giving me a word he took seriously, to show that he was taking me and my fears seriously.

“Would you have one too?”

That seemed to startle him, but I hadn’t meant it sarcastically, or to diminish his strength. In all the laughter and the joking and the teasing, we’d let other things, insecurities, annoyances, nuances of regret, slip through the cracks, just to keep the peace.

Jared eyed me carefully, and I met his gaze head on, I wasn’t laughing, I wasn’t joking around. He said, “for?”

My anguish must have been clear, but I hoped my sincerity was as equally transparent, when I replied, “accountability.”

We were far from perfect, me clearly less perfect than him, but I wanted Jared to understand that I trusted him to be truthful, that how real he was, was something I’d come to depend on. The rest, I’d learn to trust as well.

“Do you wana, maybe, come over and give me a hug?”

I went, and didn’t even ask permission when I situated myself in his lap, and cuddled against his chest.


End file.
